Trust & Honesty

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Hello again.

I know that I haven’t been posting much as of late, and for that I apologize. A new semester (I am in college again) has started again, and there have been some things going on where I live that has thrown everything out of wack.

Don’t get me wrong, I am doing pretty good at the moment… and I like that fact. It’s… I dunno…  challenging to keep on track sometimes, especially when I get impatient to get certain things done. I know that things will work out sooner or later… I just hope it’s sooner rather than later.

Book reviews will continue, I just don’t know when.

Question(s)

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Good Morning.

I did ask ask a question on facebook yesterday, but I thought I’d ask it here and expand on the situation just a little… though I think that I went into it a little yesterday. Just a little.

On facebook, I asked… how do you go off on someone without disrespecting them? And I’ll add to it here: How do you go off on someone without disrespecting them or yourself? Or do you have to express your anger (or whatever it is you’re feeling) in a different way … and yet tell them you’re angry? (does this make sense?)

Now, to expand on this a little… I live in a Intermediate Care Facility (which is slowly transitioning into a Specialized Mental Health Rehabilitation Facility), which is a fancy way of saying that I live in a nursing home for psych issues. And like the skilled nursing homes places, this place helps you work towards … well, a better life I suppose.

Anyway, everyone here has a case manager (aka social worker)… and I have one particular one that I really like (usually). We have been working on quite a few things since I started working with her… one of which is me going back to school and getting a degree (even if it is only a basic degree), and there are others.

Now, last month I was in the hospital for psych reasons (long story on that)… and it was highly suggested that I start seeing a therapist. So I was finally able to get hooked up with a therapist in a hospital about a mile away or so.

Normally, when you go for any type of appointment, the facility would provide transportation for you (assuming the insurance covers it).  Last week, my case manager talked to me about taking public transportation to and from the appointment. I didn’t/don’t want to until things are finally settling down in a solid routine (and I know how I am going to handle therapy…)

Well, when I returned home from this week’s appointment (on Tuesday), I went to the person who would normally schedule the rides … so that she could set up the transportation for next week. Well, I was told that I needed to talk to my caseworker about the transportation… telling me what the caseworker had told me the previous week.

This struck me … as wrong, somehow. And I got angry, very angry. Since she left right about that time, I sat down, wrote her an email, and basically went off on her. And from our discussion yesterday, she didn’t appreciate it… me going off on her, that is. I meant no disrespect towards her.

However, for me to express my anger in that particular moment, I tend to either simply go off or do something I’d regret later. I don’t often go off on people now days like I did with the case manager; however, I still get angry enough that I get grumpy and get an attitude. But usually, I don’t outright go off on people (at least I try not to).

Now, before anyone says that in this particular situation, I overreacted… I’m beginning to realize that fact. I may not agree whole heartedly with her decision (at least, not for the first few weeks), but that doesn’t mean that I like the way she (and me) went about the situation.

However, that doesn’t mean I still don’t want to know the answer to the question: Is it possible to go off on someone without disrespecting the other person?

I have to admit that when I am in that moment of anger and need to express it, it’s pretty dang hard for me to just step back and admit that I’m angry and then walk away from the situation until I’ve calmed down. It’s been like that as far back as I can remember.

Okay, now I am getting off track. What do you all think?

Wednesday Update

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It has been a very long day today.

Yesterday I had a very good session with the new psychologist; however, when I got home, I received some news that, in the long run, would be good for me… but in the short time I am not quite ready to deal with yet.

My case worker wants me to take public transportation to and from the therapy appointment. In nursing homes, they normally provide transportation to appointments such as this. When she first brought the idea up, I absolutely did not want to go through with this. Still don’t, not really. But I can now see me doing it.

However, the way it was brought up to me yesterday really pissed me off, and I went off on my case worker -via email, of course. And I had to face a pretty major discussion with her this morning… which triggered a response that I wasn’t expecting: Tears.

Since then, I have been feeling a bit off kilter cuz of the crying… but in a good way, I suppose. I’m not spiraling downward into another depression… and over-all, my anxiety hasn’t been too bad this evening, which is a good thing.

Tomorrow I’ll probably have to do another followup because of this… but I’ll deal with it whether I want to or not.I just hope that it doesn’t take so much out of me like it did today. I have a lot of studying to do between now and Sunday morning.

Good Morning

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Well, it’s another fine Tuesday morning, and I am already tired. Then again, I have been up since around 4:30 this morning (doing laundry of course). Maybe I should take a nap this morning? Maybe I better, since I have things to do this afternoon.

This afternoon I have my second appointment with a psychologist. It’s more of a follow up to last week’s intake paperwork stuff.

The process for me getting a psychologist started last month when I landed in the hospital for psych reasons. The psych doc I had there highly suggested that I get a psychologist for some therapy -at least a year’s worth of therapy.  So I finally received a recommendation for me to go to and had my first appointment last week. Hopefully I’ll be able to set up some sort of regular schedule to meet with the woman.

I also have a lot of reading to do for my science class, so I’ll probably take the book with me to the appointment, as I plan on getting to the place pretty early… and would have to wait for my ride to come home. I might as well have something to do while I’m waiting.

I had my first quiz last week in the science course. Surprisingly, I did okay, especially considering I hadn’t read all of the material (and really hadn’t reviewed everything). Yes, I got a C, but I could have done a lot worse. My plan, though, is to be more prepared for the next quiz.

In the mean time, I am also trying to write a fanfiction story for Harry Potter… will have to wait and see. I’d also like to get going on another story that I’d started last year for Star Trek Voyager. I dunno, I guess it takes time for me to get things done when it comes to writing for fun. Lots of ideas, but putting them together is another story…

In other news, I will try to post more book reviews as soon as I can. School takes presidence though.

Have a great day one and all.

Happy Tuesday.

Update

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Good day everyone. I hope that all is well with you.

I apologize for not updating the blog lately; it’s been a bit crazy with school and then the holidays. I also ended up in the hospital for a week due to psych issues, but I am feeling much better now.

The good news is that as of right now, I have passed two out of my three fall semester classes. The third class I still need to turn something in… which will hopefully be done today. The reason that this assignment is being turned in so late is that I needed the extension on the assignment due to the hospital stay. It’s a paper, and I’m mostly editing it at this point, and just finishing up the tail end of the paper. It shouldn’t take much longer than today to get it finished.

And I do need to finish it today. Officially, the spring semester starts on Tuesday, and the one class that starts on Tuesday for me is a science course… and there is already quite a bit to do for it. The other two classes won’t start until late this month or early next month, depending on which class you’re talking about. I will definitely be kept busy this semester, and I am definitely taking the summer semester off! I need the long break! 🙂

I do have a bit of sad news, though. Two people I know/knew passed away during the week after Christmas. One of the people that died was someone that worked here … as in, worked at the place I live in. The other person is a good friend’s father. Never a fun experience losing someone that you know & care for.

At least I am able to focus on other things for now, if only to get my mind off the sad things in life.

Well, I’ll check in again sometime soon and hopefully get another book review out and about within the next week or two -at most.

 

Book Review: Outrage by T.R. Ragan

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‘Outrage’ is a great sequel to ‘Furious’; both are by the same author…

What did I love about the book? Well, lets see… I loved how Hudson was found, I loved how Rage was able to meet her child before she dies (which hasn’t happened yet, thankfully), I like how Rage, Beast, Little Vinny, and Faith and family are all connecting in ways that no one would have thought possible… and so much more.

What else did I love? Hmmm. Miranda. She’s a teenager who has just managed to escape from the clutches of human traffickers, has found caring and loving people who would love to help look out for her… and yet, she too has issues (who wouldn’t after spending so much time being held captive and raped and tortured and such)… and goes in search of her mother, and revenge.

Miranda is one of the cliffhangers in this book, which I do hope will be addressed in the third and final book in the series. I do want to see what happens with the teen, whether she finds a new home to live or whether she decides to live on the streets, and how she turns out in general.

Laura, Faith’s daughter, is another loose thread, but she is another thing that I like about the story. She is a strong child despite being shy, and though living through a nightmare, she is doing whatever she can to escape her captures & to return home.

One thing I don’t like about the series thus far is that Rage is dying, and you see her struggling with her cancer through the eyes of the other characters (like Faith). She chose to not seek out treatment for the cancer, and so is dying on her terms. And there are side effects from her decision, like having seizures. She had a few of them in this book…

Seeing her die through the eyes of the other characters isn’t easy to read (unfortunately I have experienced someone die from cancer)… but I must admit that her … health issues are also helping to bring Faith, her family, Beast, and Little Vinny together in ways that no one could have predicted otherwise.

 

Well, let’s see, I have two favorite moments in ‘Outrage’.  First, I love the fact that Rage (aka Sally) was able to spend some quality time with her little boy (who was put up for adoption when he was born)… and then be able to say goodbye to him.

Rage knows that she is dying and is unlikely to see her little boy again. She doesn’t regret putting up her child for adoption, but seeing the child she gave up for adoption brings her a little peace about the situation.

Another favorite moment/situation is when Faith talks to her son for the first time after his kidnapping. Faith had just identified her son’s dead body, or so she’d thought, when her father and brother call her with some awesome news: that they’d found Hudson.

At first, Faith couldn’t believe what she’d heard… how was it possible to hear his voice when she’d just identified his body in the morgue? And then it slowly sinks in that she. was. talking. to. her. son.

‘Mommy, I’m coming home’, or something to that effect was the last sentence of the book, and it was one of the best things that could have happened to Faith.

 

As a side note: there are adult themes in the book, so I wouldn’t recommend the book to children (of course). I also wouldn’t recommend the book to young teens either. Older teens… well, that’d be up to you…

Book Review: Furious by T.R. Ragan

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Furious is a well-written book, and is narrated by a decent sounding voice. I must admit, though, that the voice who reads the book isn’t one of my favorite voices to listen to.

The voice of the woman sounds… I’m not sure… all fancied up, professional, and stand-offish. I’m not entirely sure how to describe her voice otherwise.  Otherwise, she reads the book pretty well. She brings out the characters fairly well, and nails Faith’s anger (and it’s release) head on… reading it just as it needed it to be.

The book itself is a wonderful book. Furious starts out with Faith and her two children, Laura and Hudson, returning home from school (Faith teaches at the school where Laura and Hudson go to school), only to walk into a nightmarish scene.

Craig, Faith’s husband, bound and gagged on the floor while the two children end up being tied up on the couch. The bad guys are looking for something that no one in the house knows about, let alone knowing where ‘it’ is.

Craig is brutally murdered in front of Faith and her children, though it is Faith who has a front row to the murder -as in, she actually sees the knife slash Craig’s through and watches him die. Moments later, she herself is nearly killed. Somehow, however, she survives the attack.

Her kids are kidnapped, and no one knows where they are. This book is the families journey to reuniting once again.

And while the family isn’t reunited by the end of the book, Faith and family and friends know that there is hope that Laura and Hudson are alive -they just don’t know where the kids are.

And while there are a few predictable aspects of the book -like Craig’s business partner is the one who turns out to be one of the bad guys (not the ones at the house, but as the one who started everything by connecting with one of their clients and doing some bad business, which in turn leads to the attack on Faith and her family)- and a sad story for both Rage and a few others she befriends throughout the book.

However, this isn’t a bad thing; it actually brings out Faith’s good side in such a bad point in her life. It also helps Faith to find a path to help both her and her children to reunite as a family.

I can’t wait to read the rest of the series… just wish that I didn’t have to wait until after Christmas to do so. :/